Family estrangement is a hotter topic than ever on social media, where scores of confessional videos discuss the virtues and challenges of going “no contact” with problematic kin.

But estrangement doesn’t simply affect those directly involved; it is almost always a “cataclysmic event in a family system,” said Joshua Coleman, a psychologist and the author of the book “Rules of Estrangement.”

“It ripples outward,” Dr. Coleman added. If, say, your brother is no longer talking to your mother — or your mother is no longer talking to your favorite aunt — you may feel caught in the middle.

An August YouGov poll found that 38 percent of adults in the United States are currently estranged from a family member, suggesting that millions of Americans are collateral damage in family rifts. And those dynamics can feel particularly sad and stressful around the holidays, when family gatherings abound and expectations around upholding traditions are sky high.

We talked to Dr. Coleman and other family therapists about coping strategies for those caught in the cross hairs of estrangement.

Know you’re not alone.

Estrangement is often painful or freeing (or both) for those directly involved. Accordingly, there are plenty of resources to help navigate those big emotions: Books, support groups and plenty of camaraderie on TikTok.

But far less attention has been paid to how destabilizing estrangement can be for those swept up in other family members’ issues, Dr. Coleman said. Their pain is often overlooked.

It shouldn’t be, said Sherry Cormier, a psychologist and bereavement specialist based in Pennsylvania. “It’s really not unlike being a child in the middle of divorcing parents,” she said.

Part of the challenge is that it is difficult to remain neutral, even if that is your intention.

Kristina Scharp, an associate professor of communication at Rutgers University, worked on a small 2020 study that examined the experiences of immediate family members of estranged parent-child pairs.

Many of the people in Dr. Scharp’s study attempted to stay out of the conflict by establishing separate relationships with each family member. But over and over again, the study participants described feeling “caught.” Sometimes, they were explicitly asked to take sides. Other times, they felt sucked into conflict unwillingly.

One participant described feeling as if she were playing a game of telephone between her father and his parents. Another said his father constantly tried to “mine” him for information about his sister.

“They ended up in this precarious position,” Dr. Scharp said, “like, ‘I didn’t sign up for this.’”

Be direct with your words and actions.

People caught up in family rifts should be prepared to set some ground rules with their family members, Dr. Coleman said.

You might clearly state, for instance, that you don’t want to be anybody’s confidant, he suggested.

“Assume, like all conversations that are incredibly fraught, that it may not be one and done,” Dr. Coleman added. “It may be a series of conversations that happen over time.”

Whitney Goodman, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Miami, sees a common scenario among clients who are caught between feuding family members: One relative will share a heated or icy text exchange with them, she said, along with a message such as, “Can you believe they did this?”

She tells her clients they have a few choices. One is to simply not respond. Another is to say something like, “I love you both, and I cannot mediate this situation.”

It can help to emphasize that you are setting certain boundaries because you want to preserve your connection with everyone, Ms. Goodman said, not because you’re being unkind. You can acknowledge a family member’s feelings without offering an opinion or getting caught up in the particulars, she said.

But even if you are clear and direct, be prepared for the likelihood that your relatives may not always respect the rules or boundaries you attempt to establish.

“You have to say to yourself: When Mom brings up the fight with her sister, am I going to get off the phone? Change the subject?” Ms. Goodman said. “What can I control on my end about how I participate in this?”

And on the day of a family gathering, it can help to have a simple phrase at the ready, like: “I’m going to stay in my lane,” Dr. Cormier suggested. But she noted the importance of actions, too.

“Show them, repeatedly, that you’re going to walk away if they keep pulling you into that position,” Dr. Cormier said. You don’t have to leave in a huff, she said. You might simply excuse yourself to refresh your drink or mingle with other guests.

Take good care of yourself.

Ms. Goodman said she often tells her clients to genuinely consider their capacity for family gatherings. In the run-up to the holidays, people have a tendency to overcommit in an effort to try to please everyone, she said.

But don’t let yourself be worn down in pursuit of an unrealistic goal.

“People are going to be upset for so many reasons, and the target is always moving, so you have to come back to: What can I handle?” Ms. Goodman advised.

Above all, be kind to yourself, the experts urged. If you’re feeling pressed, step outside and try a quick breathing exercise. Estrangement can cause sorrow and grief that sometimes gets buried under the anger and frustration.

“There’s a lot of joy in families,” Dr. Cormier said. “There’s also a lot of heartbreak.”